Quanta Magazine article It’s common for women to feel like they are being stalked by an abusive husband or boyfriend, but what you need to know is what to do if you suspect your ex of being one.
A woman’s own experience of her ex’s abuse can shed light on how she can identify and work to change the abusive behaviour.
A domestic violence specialist from the Domestic Violence Council NSW, Sharon Broughton, says the key to detecting abusive behaviour is to identify patterns of behaviour and then to work out how to change those patterns.
“You need to be able to say to yourself, ‘I’m feeling unsafe here, I don’t want to be around this person’.
That can be a lot of work, but if you’re able to identify those patterns, then it’s much easier to get help,” she said.
“If it’s happening in the home, it’s something you need the support of a partner to stop, or a domestic violence helpline to get you in touch with.”
Sharon Boughton, a domestic abuse specialist, from the Australian Domestic Violence Coalition.
Source: Supplied Domestic violence counsellor Sharon Brawson says the first step to preventing domestic violence is recognising patterns.
For some women, it can be as simple as not being in the same room with their ex at the same time, and keeping a safe distance.
For others, it involves working out how their partner treats their children.
“Women can find themselves being blamed for things, being called a bad mother, a bad wife,” she says.
But if you don’t know what it’s like, then the therapy can be difficult.” “
That’s the reason they have to go into therapy to talk about it.
But if you don’t know what it’s like, then the therapy can be difficult.”
Sharon said she also helps women with the “cognitive dissonance” they often feel about the violence, and works with them to try to avoid that reaction in the future.
She said women who felt threatened by their ex would often feel ashamed and blamed for their own abusive behaviour, rather than understanding that their partner was not their abuser.
Broughston said she found it difficult to get the word out to her clients about their feelings. “
The only way to work with them is to talk to them about it and to understand why they feel that way.”
Broughston said she found it difficult to get the word out to her clients about their feelings.
“I’m constantly telling women I know, and I know that I’m really important, that I have to speak out,” she explained.
“But I’m very concerned about what it means to say that I don’s that it doesn´t feel safe.”
The domestic violence crisis services can also help people find support if they feel they are struggling with their own abuse.
Sharon Bougton, who works with women and children. Source